


Sharing is Caring

by Detavot



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Gen, I have no idea how pot works but here have this, everyone is high as fuck, pot brownies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 22:18:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18019496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Detavot/pseuds/Detavot
Summary: They ate edibles. That's the only plot.





	Sharing is Caring

**Author's Note:**

> I've been pondering if I should do parts of this ever since I wrote it a while back, so here... you decide.

    It was a very quiet morning… quite peaceful, indeed. Which, of course, should have foretold a disaster happening.

    “So, so, y’all have this Queen, right?” Baldroy asked in the American accent he usually relapsed into when he momentarily forgets himself. He was sitting with an ease which would be considered blasphemous in front of his strict and cold Master, and speaking of the Queen as if she were an old army buddy rather than a reigning monarch. “And then… these… dogs of a parliament who just show their belly and hope she rubs them?”

    “Yes… I had never thought about it like that…” The Earl of the Phantomhive state and the founder of the Funtom Company Ciel Phantomhive, the evil nobleman who did the Queen’s vile deeds, had his tie thrown back somewhere and the first few buttons of his shirt open, his hair was messy from the amount of times he had scratched his head. He was looking at his American servant with an awe people would mostly reserve for their religious or nationally important figures.

    “Y’all have to cut ‘em loose, I tell ya,” Baldroy advised sagely as he almost planted his face on the polished floor. “Follow our lead. We have a president, we have democracy. The Unions won the states over after I left, peace at last. Our parliament actually does things, and our presidents listen to ‘em.”

    “ _It’s Common Sense_?”

    “Exactly! Now, where are those brownies…? I tell ya, a civil war’s abrewing in here. This old nose can tell it from a mile away. Too many enslaved, too many colonized, and too many wanting more!”

    “What… What if it isn't as civil as you think? You know, like a… a… world war? I’d like to go to the front lines, you know? Just see… what it looks like.”

    “I’ll take ya sometime, cook you a treat as well, Master!”

    “I want to charge to battle with an elephant,” Soma joined. He had completely given his weight to Agni, who in turn had given his weight to the couch behind his back. “What use are guns if they are crushed? And then… And then the elephant would raise them high, high up and throw them… I would be a hero, a hero!”

    “And where would we find an elephant in battle?” Ciel asked.

    “Elephants are always in battlegrounds.”

    Baldroy frowned, feeling disappointed and left out. “I’ve never seen an elephant in battle.”

    “You just haven't looked hard enough.”

    “My Prince is right, you know,” Agni joined. He had been gazing at the ceiling for quite a while in silence. “Elephants are always with you… just beyond that white light…”

    “Then all we look for is the white light to find the elephants?” Ciel asked. “Okay, it is easy enough. Baldroy, show me the white light!”

    Baldroy was looking directly at his Master. “If you think about it, our lives are white lights.”

    “That’s deep,” Mey-Rin commented.

    “Yeah, yeah!” Finnian agreed. “White lights are always with us! My first room was white!”

    “So was my first girlfriend,” Soma stated.

    “Was she nice?”

    “No.”

    “Oh.”

    “You know… names are really weird…” Ciel started. “What if the only reason why we have names is just to differentiate us from everyone else?”

    “Master, that’s exactly what names are for.”

    “Oh.”

    “What if… what if we all had, like, a really evil side to us?” Finny asked. “Like, you know, a side of us who never sheds a tear when they think of all the innocent birdies dying every day? How cruel… Those poor birds…” Tears began running down his face.

    “I don't think Ciel thinks about birds,” Ciel replied.

    “Who’s Ciel?”

    “I think Ciel means sky in French,” Agni answered. “Or was it Japanese?”

    “I can see the different shades of blood,” Mey-Rin said. “Is that normal?”

    “That’s so cool,” Finny said.

    “What if we were able to swim in the vast blues of the sky?” Agni asked.

    “Then wouldn't that make birds into ducks? And ducks into… birds?” Mey-Rin asked.

    “Like a giant pool in the sky!” Finny said with glee. “I wanna swim!”

    “Pool’s closed, has AIDS in it,” Baldroy replied.

    “What is AIDS?” Ciel asked.

    “AIDS is a disease you catch when you dance the tango too much,” Soma answered.

    “Why is it only exclusive to the tango?”

    “... Why… Why _is_ it only exclusive to tango?”

    Baldroy grinned proudly. “It’s because the tango is a dance made by George Washington to promote democracy and freedom.”

    Mey-Rin frowned, “Wait, what does that have to do with…”

    “I want to know how to do the tango!” Finny said, raising his hand.

    “If you think about it, our lives are spent doing the tango. Doing your duties, breathing, praying… They are all only the different rhythms of the same song”.

    “The tango was invented by aliens wishing to control our brains.”

    “Imagine if you could have someone back,” Mey-Rin suggested, her voice quiet. “Anyone from the dead… if you could have them back.”

    “How would we even manage that?” Ciel asked.

    “Stitch ‘em together and let ‘em have a heart zap!” Baldroy replied, grinning widely. “Y’know, _Frankenstein_?”

    “It was actually Frankenstein's _monster_ , Frankenstein was the scientist,” Agni corrected.

    “I meant the scientist.”

    “Ah.”

    “I’d like to have my dead bride back,” Finny said.

    “Same,” Baldroy said. “How close were ya to sealing the deal?”

    “She promised I could play with her pet rock if I let her pet my birdie!”

    “That’s some true marriage right there. We could’ve been like that, but we were out playing.”

    “There used to be a scope,” Mey-Rin started. “I liked it very much. Helped through a lot of nights. But one day, I was too harsh. I broke it. Unusable since that day.”

    “Is that why you have such good eyesight?” Ciel asked.

    “... Yeah.”

    “How would you stitch a scope back together?” Soma pondered.

    “Melt the metal?” Agni offered.

    “But then the metal would infuse with the metal of the needle! We should have sent a note to Sieglinde… she’d know.”

    “Scopes were invented by the scientist Viva la See, who wanted to see twice,” Baldroy shared. 


End file.
